Blog Community
Be in charge of your own happiness
by Elizabeth Ruske
May 5, 2011
This month the conversation in the Tiara Community is about Alignment; aligning your values, your personal gifts (strengths and callings), and your desires. When we start the conversation, the first place most people go is to think about where they ARE NOT in alignment, i.e., the things that are not working in their lives.
And, while some of us may know ‘what we want’, I think a larger majority of us don’t know. Most of us simply don’t take the time to sit and ponder the answer(s), or worse, we do try but then we don’t think it is possible to have what we want, so we adopt a “why bother” attitude.
So we ask the next question; if you knew you could not fail, what would you take on?
I love this question because in addition to removing the fear of failing, it allows you to take a step back and start to get at what would truly make you happy – not just a little pleased – but really and truly happy!
I also think there might be a 3rd category that people fall into . . . you have the idea of what you want (i.e., the what) but then you immediately jump to “well, how would I get that?” (i.e., the how) . . . and then you get stopped. Not because you are cynical, but simply because you can’t figure it out.
That’s the category I have found myself falling into lately. There are several areas in my life where I am going through a transition, (home, milestone birthday, changes in one of my businesses, empty nesting, and health/fitness.) I’m great at generating my hopes, desires and dreams, but then somewhere along the way I stop myself because the HOW is not clear. I want to have it figured out.
Recently I’ve stopped myself from getting into this circular conversation about what I want and getting frustrated over not being clear on the how to get it. Here’s what worked:
- I asked myself; Is this true? Are you really uncertain about everything? My answer, “no of course not!” There are places where things are very stable and feel awesome, e.g., my relationships with clients, business partners, and family.
- That awareness to what is working helped boost my confidence and certainty that while it feels like everything’s out of alignment – it’s not. There are many areas that feel great!
- So I decided to stop saying those words out loud and caught myself before I said things like; I don’t know, I’m so uncertain, or I’m just not clear out to pull it off. Yes, I simply stopped putting it in language.
And you know what . . . Just by shifting those two things (my language and my focus) I feel a lot better and I feel happier. A more accurate assessment is that I am unclear about only 10% of my life right now but you would have thought my entire life was up in the air. Not so. I was getting caught up in focusing on the 10% and not the 90% that is really fantastic on so many levels.
Being clear on what’s working and how my life is aligned with my values, callings, and desires made me realize how happy I really am!
Where can you shift your language and your focus? And if you did, what difference would it make in your life? Would it make you happier?