Blog
Can I Be In This Moment?
by Alison Miller
January 21, 2011
Can I be in this moment? This is an incredibly powerful question posed by Debi Kennedy, someone dear to the Tiara community in a blog entry she wrote last week. Ellie, Debi’s 10 year-old daughter passed away January 13, 2011 from a brain tumor. Ellie was just 13 days shy of her 11th birthday when she died at home surrounded by her family. Her mother, Debi has been documenting her own personal journey and family life in a blog http://njoybooks.com/sunnydays since 2008. On January 13th, 2011, she wrote her first blog entry after Ellie died titled, “Quiet.”
She writes:
Last night was one of the hardest of my life. At around 1 am, Ellie’s breathing became even more difficult, it sounded as if she were drowning. Strangely, I did not feel as if she needed me by her side right then, it felt instead as if most of her were already gone. It was as if her body had been fighting so long and so hard to live that it reflexively kept going even after she’d left. I kept having the wondering, “Could I BE in this moment?” That THIS too was part of what Ellie came to do. Because every ounce of me wanted to be anywhere else besides hearing her struggle to breathe like that.
When I first read those words, I actually felt startled like cold water was rushing over me leaving me a bit shocked and exhilarated at the same time. I read what she wrote over and over in amazement that she had the awareness to even contemplate the question, “Can I be in this moment?” at an incredibly difficult time. She wanted to take flight yet she had the presence of mind to challenge herself to be in the experience of her daughter‘s physical life coming to an end. This is a very important choice, the choice to be present even in the face of incredible loss and pain. It is a choice not to flee or avoid but to be aware and present to her actual experience as it unfolds.
I hear Debi’s question as a personal call to BEING for me; to being present and staying engaged when I want to take flight and avoid experiencing whatever it is that I am experiencing whether it is something very painful or the more ordinary emotions, irritations, frustrations, and dislikes I experience. When my feelings are hurt, can I feel the hurt without running for cover hiding my shame and feelings of inadequacy? When I am angry can I challenge myself to be in the moment and present to the actual anger I am experiencing vs. reacting with yelling, complaining or engaging in other unproductive behavior. When someone is giving me critical feedback and I want to run or make the person giving the feedback wrong, can I be present to my own reactions and the actual words being spoken? When I am folding laundry or unloading the dishwasher (not my favorite activities), can I be in the moment with the experience and compassionately observe my resistance? Can I be in this moment? Can I be here now no matter the circumstance? Can I feel what I feel and witness my own experience as it plays out so I have more freedom to choose how I respond, what words I say, and what actions I take?
Buddhist teacher Chogyam Trungp said: Freedom is the confidence that comes in knowing that whatever arises, we can be with it and not become caught or lost. When we choose to be in this moment no matter what we are experiencing we are choosing a life of true freedom. I am deeply grateful to Debi for sharing herself and her own quest to transform, grow, and make sense of Ellie’s life and death. “Can I be in this moment” is powerful question and call to all of us that we can choose to be here now no matter what is happening. True, this is very challenging but what is the alternative? Without being in this moment we miss life as it unfolds and live without true freedom to just be.
I would love to hear from you.
Where do you see you can been struggling to be in the moment? What areas of life do you want to challenge yourself as Debi did?
I believe simply being in the moment is the “Secret to a great life” and yet it is one of the most elusive things I do and don’t do. I know it’s power and value, and yet I still don’t always do everything I can to get myself in a position to be in the moment. When I am, “my life works”, when I am not, I struggle. Plain and simple.
I am struggling with things not happening fast enough for me. My business results are coming fast enough, my finances while greatly improved are not accumulating the savings I want fast enough, the weight I am trying to loose is not falling off me fast enough. My sons aren’t learning their life’s lessons fast enough.
So my wanting things and wanting them now – is causing me to be present to what is not present – and also taking me out of this moment and to some future moment.
I like the idea of challenging myself to be in and to be living in every moment. Thanks, Alison.
I have read some of Debi’s blog and found her way of being inspiring.
Last year, when my Dad was dying, I also asked myself: Can I be in this moment? Sometimes when I ask this question it is a catalyst for transformation. In the context and moments surrounding my Dad’s death, it was a catalyst for love.
Choosing to be in the moment is a powerful place to be, both in life and in love.
That is true freedom. I love the Chogyam Trungpa quote…
Thanks for sharing Alison.