Blog
Judge Less, Love More
by Peg Rowe
August 26, 2011
I was talking to a friend the other day. She was sharing her sadness and frustration about a challenging personal situation. She found herself in the “off” cycle of a relationship that is stuck in an “on-again, off-again” pattern.
After trying to make this difficult relationship work one more time, it fell apart and she was left feeling unworthy and doomed to never have the fulfilling partnership she longs for.
As she rehashed the harsh words that ended the last conversation, she was filled with regret. Asking questions like “why did I believe this would work out?” “Why did I fall for this again?” “When will I ever learn this lesson?” And then she said the thing that made my heart break, “I’m just so stupid!”
It’s heart breaking for me to witness my friend in so much pain, filled with self-doubt, feeling like she doesn’t deserve the happiness she wants and desires. Of course, I know she’s not stupid, and I truly hope she knows that too.
And, I also know that familiar feeling when I’m embarrassed or ashamed of a choice or decision I’ve made. Somehow I trick myself into thinking that beating myself up is better than someone else judging me. At just the moment when I need to be gracious with myself and forgive my mistakes, I am unkind and cruel.
Here’s what I want for my friend, I want her to know that she may have made some regrettable choices and she is human. She is worthy of love. She is deserving of the relationship she desires. She is a remarkable woman. I am honored to be her friend. I am moved by her story and vulnerability.
Mostly I want her to judge herself less, love herself more. And, I want that for me, too!
I love this Peg. It’s often so clear when we see the people we love judging themselves too harshly…yet we’re often so blind to how we beat ourselves up. Thanks!