Blog
Letting Go of “Stuff”
by Alison Miller
June 20, 2010
Well it is less than two weeks before I move to California and I am in the midst of packing up my belongings. And one of the things that it is so remarkable to me during this process is to witness how much “stuff” I have been storing in my home…clothes I don’t like anymore, worn our running shoes, multiple plastic cups from kids birthday parties and conference mugs with assorted logs, old expired food and vitamins, books I never read and probably never will read, tax returns from long, long ago, computer equipment that doesn’t actually work, and all kind of other odds and ends. Up to now, it has felt like it would take too much energy to deal with all of this stuff I have accumulated. And so I have been “storing” it in my house which seemed easier than clearing it out. So, now that I am moving 2000 miles away, I am honestly asking “do I want to take this with me?” “Why I am hanging on to this?” And what is coming up have been some realizations about the real impact of hanging on to “stuff.”
I am not saying that it is bad to treasure things in your home or to hold onto things because you “might” use it someday or because it is nostalgic and reminds you of important events/times of life in the past. And I am saying that it is worth a more careful look at what “stuff” you have in your life that may not only be clogging up your closets, cabinets, and bookshelves but may also be clogging up your mind and spirit in some way. For example, I found all kinds of articles and books that I have never read. My mind tells me that I “should” read them so that I know more and can become more competent. In truth, it is very unlikely I will ever read any of these materials because in all honesty I am not inspired to do so. So I let them go.
And I went further. I purged cookbooks I haven’t opened in years but not parted with because in my fantasy parallel life, I have lots of free time to cook. I purged makeup and perfume I am never going to wear, clothes I don’t love, shoes that are beautiful but make my feet hurt, 10 year old towels, and a long list of things that I haven’t want to spend the money to replace but that I don’t enjoy or feel good about. Once I purged myself of so many material possessions, a great sense of peace and freedom came over me. And I can feel that I have let go of much more than material possessions. I have let go of mental “stuff” too. All those books and articles that I “should” read were ways of activating a sense that I am somehow not living up to my potential or doing enough as a professional coach. The cookbooks in some way contributed to a feeling that I should be a better cook, have more free time, and be more domestic. The clothes I don’t love and the beautiful shoes that hurt my feet left me feeling unglamorous and disorganized and once again with the feeling that I should be some other than I actually am. It was only after I let go off all this “stuff,” that I became conscious of their impact on my mind and how I felt about myself and my life. I can honestly say that I made many of the purchases thinking that the possession would somehow make me better, more attractive, more acceptable, or even compensate for something I lack. And I can say with in truth that nothing in my house has ever fulfilled that expectation. What I am looking for is not out there…it is in here…in me. And the freer I have become of material possessions, there freer I feel to just be me.
So I am committing on my journey to California to remain conscious of the material possessions I bring into my life and whether they feel true to who I am. And along the way, I commit to letting go of things sooner that are no longer aligned with who I am.
What “stuff” have you been holding onto in your life?
What are “stuff” are you willing to let go of?
Alison, I too am moving and have gone through a similar process. One of our partners gave me a book to read, The Necklace, by Cheryl Jarvis. There is a great quote in the book I think is perfect:
” . . . Ownership is over rated.We should elevate sharing. Wealth is individual but sharing is collective. We are not what we own. We are what we do and who we help, and the difference we make in the world. Sometimes we think that by sharing we give something up but in reality the more we shared The Necklace, the more profound the experience became. By sharing we’ve gotten so much more.”
In our move I have come to realize that my house does not make my home . . . my home is wherever my husband and I live and where we welcome our sons back with love. Our home is simply changing as our lives change . . . and letting go of something we owned for over 25 years has been interesting. A both- and. Both emotional and exciting. Some one asked me if I was sad — and NO, I’m not, but I am emotional about it all.
Because of the memories I have . . . and those I can hold on to with joy in my heart. The stuff is truly meaningless to me.
Following along with the prevalence of “stuff” in our lives and the contrast between owning and sharing…
I was chatting with a partner the other day, appreciating the ingenuous nature of our public libraries. Rather than owning walls of books, we have access to almost any book we want, because they are shared. If you think further, consider public transit vs. auto ownership, apartment/condo dwelling vs. building more and more single houses (to feed the next boom and bust cycle). The drive toward ownership separates us, increases energy consumption and environmental waste and fuels our addiction to the stuff.
Here’s to letting go – one piece of stuff at a time!
What a wonderful food for thought! Thank you Alison for sharing about your “stuff around stuff”. As for me I become aware of my own dancing around stuff being both important to have(determining who/what I am, how I feel) and completely unimportant. There are two extremes. There is a part in me that is (over)specialised towards such detachment that I easily believe that I am free as a bird, finding it possible to live anywhere anyhow and be happy with very little, as it is the relationship with people around me that I value most and that it is the feeling of love and connection that I consider as true purpose in life. At these times, from a profound feeling of contentment and the knowing that “all is well” I can find it difficult to even determine goals truly worthwile to pursue, stuff truly worthwile to have… If it wasn’t for people around me to help stirr me up, I would still live a very simple life. I also recognize the other side, of having gathered a lot of stuff, some good but also too much in many ways, and then getting caught in some sort of “responsibility trap” that I have to take care of “it” for eternity. Thanks for reminding me that it is not “either/or” but that is the playful game of gathering and releasing that adds to a fulfilling life!
One more thing: today I went to pick up my new passport. I deliberately left the old one behind (the one with all the nice and colourful stamps of different countries, those memories of great places and people) and only took the new one with me. This felt funny in a nice way, to leave some “old identity” behind and take on a refreshed one, that’s playfully forward looking!
And what I intend to do for the coming days is establish a practice of letting go of one piece of stuff every day. Thank you all!
“Less is More” has been my motto for the last 3 years, but it did not come easily.
In 2006 I piled my entire condo into a 10×10 storage unit to move to Costa Rica. I mourned every minute of it. I was leaving my home and my precious belongings.
It was not until I returned a year later and went to storage that I realized that many of my precious belongings had become stuff.
I began to purge much of it. A weight lifted off of me. We moved back into our condo comfortably and not cluttered.
It was moving back into our condo (and my experience living in Costa Rica) when I realized less is more was a motto here to stay.