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Tammy wins our Defining Moments contest!
July 23, 2010
Congratulations, Tammy, on winning our Defining Moments contest with your entry about learning to Stop Apologizing, Be Bold. Thank you for sharing your moment. We truly appreciate ALL the entries, and were completely inspired by our wonderful community. We are looking forward to continuing the conversation next year!
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A. Believe and Commit to My Own Ideas
Carolyn
I was in the midst of writing an e-Leadership training series for another firm. As we reached the final stages of production, I felt a great sense of sadness and loss and realized that it was because I had essentially written my first book about leadership. But my words, my thoughts were being put out there by another person’s voice and image. The person who had paid for the project would get to be the messenger. Not me. It was as if I had sold my own child.
That day, I realized it was time to stop working for others, regardless of the financial stability the projects provided. It was time to take a leap of faith and focus on growing my own business, creating my own work, and being the voice for my own message in the world.
That day, I realized how important it was for me to believe in and commit to my own ideas and to the impact that I can personally have in the world. In many ways, working for others was a good way of avoiding that possibility and responsibility. Working within a larger company could cover for me if I wasn’t up to the job. Working within a larger company, I could blame something else if a project failed to succeed.
What that moment did was essentially kick me in the ass and propel me towards a life in which I could own my successes, own my failures and own my potential. Since then, I have been 100% focused on my own business, have met each goal I have set since then and am now finding myself working with others on finding and developing their leadership voices.
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B. Embrace Laughter and Lightness
Lisa
A new direction emerged while at a 10-day Silent Meditation Training from an unexpected source. I learned Vipassana Meditation at the training. The moments of connectedness were fleeting and lovely. However, my defining moment occurred in the dining hall. A college student a few tables away from me got a serious case of the giggles while looking my direction. As I looked around me to see what was so funny, her laughter became uncontrollable, tear-inducing muffled guffaws. She was in one of my favorite states: uncontrollable laughter at an inappropriate time. I didn’t have any clue what was so funny but it was clearly me as others looked my direction as if to ask what I had done to provoke her. She finally had to leave the room to gain composure. We couldn’t speak and so I couldn’t ask her what was funny, but it didn’t matter to me. My revelation was the gift of giving laughter. My presence lightened a soul and I fully experienced that gift.
After the course she asked me if I was in Improv. I was not at the time. Six months later I am officially at Second City taking classes and having the time of my life. The joy of laughter and light-heartedness must be part of my next move, whatever that may be.
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C. Surround Myself With Inspiring People
Anne
On a summer road trip, he asked me if I would marry him. He had snuck behind my back to take a jewelry-making course, recruited help from my best friend (a designer), and presented me with the most beautiful ring I’d ever seen. In that moment, it became clear that THIS was the kind of partner I had committed to having in my life – thoughtful, creative, loving, and talented beyond belief. That moment shaped me as a leader in that it cemented my commitment to having a circle of kindred spirits in all areas of life. I have surrounded myself with people who inspire me to live fully and keep exploring.
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D. Live In the Possibility of True Desires
Mary
The moment that revealed what was truly important to me happened in church on Mother’s Day over 10 years ago. It sounds rather cliché — and it certainly took me by surprise to be moved to action from a church service. The point of the service was to honor mothers, and I suddenly realized that what I truly wanted was to be part of the continuum of life that I saw motherhood represented. Yet my life was not going that way. I was dating someone who did not want to have children (in fact could not father his own) and pretending to myself that I didn’t care. I realized then it was more important to me to live in the possibility of being a mom than to be in that relationship, which was my first ever long-term relationship. I ended it. As it turned out, I did give birth to two children (that was not without its challenges – but that’s another story) and from the moment of the first’s arrival, I have experienced daily fulfillment and profound concern for the future of our world that is spurring me forward to expand my professional impact as an conservationist.
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E. Stop Apologizing, Start Being Bold
Tammy
One day, a former female friend and colleague within a large family-oriented entertainment company shared a quote from Lois Wyse, a female Ad Exec who started an agency during the Mad Men rage. She said, “Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.” Hearing this made me realize that I often felt apologetic whenever I opposed even the most dubious decisions on team projects. I would say “Sorry, but . . .” before every recommendation, suggestion, and comment that would come out of my mouth. I was concerned with being liked, so being cordial became more important than shooting straight on what was best for business. Thanks to a dear friend who shared the quote with me and channeled the voice of a “Mad Woman”, I have learned not to apologize for my beliefs and business recommendations. Although I had to dig deep and find the courage to do so, I became a bold and assertive ambassador of the brand and more importantly of myself.
As I am in a state of transition currently, this mantra has become more important to me than ever. In order to keep up my confidence and perseverance, I continually remind myself that I need not apologize for or regret the informed decisions I have made. I try to remember to be unashamed for the flaws I do have and to celebrate all of the good I have to offer. By doing so, I am confident that I will be called to the proper path.
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F. Show Up
Whitney
I have an amazing job. I manage youth empowerment programs for a national non-profit. A teen girl I worked with pretty closely suddenly became very withdrawn. She stopped going to class, she stopped answering her phone, she stopped posting on Facebook–a very clear warning sign for young people. Her teachers, counselors, friends, everyone was telling me the same story (“if she doesn’t get it together she’s never going to graduate”) but did nothing. So I did the only thing I could think to do: I showed up at her house. I gave her a hug, told her I missed seeing her every week, I laughed with her and her family. I didn’t ask her about school or root around for an excuse or sob story. I just hung out with her for a few hours, passing the time and having fun. A few weeks later, she was back at school like nothing had happened. At our end of the year showcases, she presented me with flowers and with tears in her eyes, told a room full of parents, peers, teachers, and friends that when she thought “nothing was left, Whitney showed up at my door.” I gave her the biggest, longest hug I’ve ever given. That girl graduated from high school, and she is now going to college. To this day, I have no idea what caused her to suddenly withdraw from everything she’d once loved. And I don’t claim to be the only thing to have brought her back. What I’ve learned though, is that just showing up can make all the difference in the world to someone you care for–a difference you may never fully understand.
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G. Be Proud Of My Choices
Jennifer
When I was 24 I suspected that I might be pregnant. I thought about it for a few days. I didn’t tell anyone what I was wondering. One day I found myself in the check out line at Walgreen’s with a pregnancy test and a pack of cigarettes. I thought, “What kind of mom do you want to be?” I didn’t know yet if I really was pregnant, but I did know that I was really asking myself, “What kind of role model do you want to be?” I left the cigarettes behind and took the pregnancy test. I spent the months until my daughter was born purposefully building the mother I wanted to be. It wasn’t about giving up smoking, but was more about putting my priorities in order and being proud of the choices I made. I defined myself and my future on that day.
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H. Take The Leap
Megan
In early January, a colleague planted the seed about me taking on the National Board Chair role for a not-for-profit focused on advancing women and girls. The role would entail strategic leadership and responsibility for the long-term success of an organization that is so important to me, and I would be the first person to serve in the chair role after the founder of the organization.
Just the suggestion of me playing this critical role made me stop and really look at my belief in myself and my abilities. Was I really a leader? Could I grow the organization in the way that it deserved to be grown? Could I rally the national and local teams behind the goal? Could I live up to the expectations of others?
The long/short answer is yes, I think so, now is the time to try. I have always relied on the ‘fake it ’till you make it’ adage but in this situation that wasn’t going to be enough for me or for organization. I took the leap, accepted the nomination, and was voted in as the national board chair this past fall. I take on my official role in January 2012.
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Why Defining Moments?
Our lives are made of moments, strung together like beads. In looking back, some catch our attention because of their radiance, their intricacy, their depth, or their meaning. These are the moments that define us and define our leadership journey.
We call it a leadership journey for each of us, because we all are leaders in our own lives. We are the ones stringing together those beads. We are the ones who know the true story behind the most meaningful beads on our chain, and what they represent in terms of acceptance, clarity, choice, accomplishment, and heart.
Sharing our defining moments is important. It acknowledges who we are today, and who we are becoming in the future. It motivates and inspires others along their journeys. It makes the important moments shine even brighter in our lives.
This is why we wanted to spend November and December sharing defining moments as a community, to build inspiration and momentum to lead us into 2012.