Tiara Coaching is committed to a world where all women are leading lives that inspire them. The seeds for this life philosophy are planted at a very young age. This is why we are excited to announce August as “Step Up” month! 

Step Up Women’s Network is a national, nonprofit membership organization dedicated to connecting and advancing women and girls. By bridging communities of professional women and underserved teen girls through mentorship, networking and advancement, we ensure women and girls have the opportunities they need to create a better future.

We are proud to announce that proceeds from all Tiara events in the month of August will be donated to Step Up Women’s Network.

For example, Andrea, on of our European Tiara Program Coaches, chooses every day to “experience the magic of life”. She is choosing a context, filter, or lens to look through that tints her day-to-day events with what she considers magic. This is uplifting and energizing for her. For you, it might be something different that feels good and reminds you of how you want to be viewing life. On yesterday’s call some folks didn’t love the magic angle … but the did choose other lenses to look through like:

* I am open to the mysteries of life.
* I see God in everything.
* This life is amazing!

And some of us chose to believe in magic. At least for a day. To see what happened.

* What did you choose?
* What difference did that choice make?

So here I am starting over…well I am not completely starting over. I have some friends here and some great network connections and of course my family who have lived here a long time. And I am pretty clear that I want to build new communities and connections here. One of the communities I want most is a community of like-minded woman who are good friends, who support each other, and who I love being with. Ideally, I would like to find other women who are interested in personal growth, who share common values with me, and for some of them to have children close in age to my own children. And to be even more specific, I would love it if some of these women are married to men who connect well with my husband and we can get our families together. What I want most above all is to develop friendships with women where we feel free to just be ourselves with each other. We have fun, we enjoy our time together, and we make each other’s lives better.

So I have managed to meet quite a few women in the short time I have been here. Some of these women seem very nice and like there is potential to be friends. And some of these women seem to have no interest at all in being friends. Some women weren’t willing to have a conversation. Of course, I don’t know what I really going on with them but I don’t get the feeling that a friendship is in store for us. I think in the past I would have taken it personally. I would have assumed that the other woman didn’t like me, that perhaps she thought she was “better” than me, or that there was something wrong or unappealing about me. While any of that could be the case, I think sometimes there just isn’t a connection and in truth, many of the women I have met here already have well developed networks of friends and are not actually seeking more friendships. I am feeling amazingly at peace with however a woman responds to me. If we have a great conversation, that is great. If we make plans, even better. And if nothing comes from it at all…I am good too!

What is the difference in my attitude? It is the “next” attitude. When a connection isn’t made, I just say in my mind, “next.” Not that I am writing of the woman off forever or judging her. It isn’t “next” in a haughty or superior tone like at an audition. It is more of an “hmmm…guess that isn’t a match…let’s see what is next way of being.” I know what I want in a friendship and if it isn’t present, then I am totally willing to let things go, not take it personally, and refocus my energy on what I want and be open to meeting other friends over time. The “next” attitude helps me feel calm and trust that in time…maybe even a longer time than I would typically like…I will start to feel like I have a nurturing community. “Next” helps me remain committed to what I want and let go of the attachment of having to have it sooner, faster, or in a certain way. It may also be that is not the perfect timing when I meet a certain woman and that a friendship will be developed at some time down the road. “Next” helps me let go of having to be friends “right now.”

The “next” attitude also is very useful in business. Some people who come my way are perfect, ideal clients and it is a real match. And sometimes it is not an ideal fit so I create a win-win situation instead and refer that person to someone who is a better fit. The “next” attitude reminds to trust that there is someone else right around the corner who is an ideal friend, client, etc. The “next” attitude has become a great source of freedom!

How about you? Where do you have a “next” attitude? Where do you think shifting and bringing more of a “next” attitude would make a difference for you?

This summer I launched a girls’ basketball camp for a couple of weeks and hired two fantastic young 20 year old counselors (one male and one female).  My female counselor is beyond a doubt – the most remarkable woman I have ever met – any age – bar none.  I coached Molly about 8 years ago and she was incredible.  She wasn’t the best basketball player on the team, but she has been my stand out favorite player – I ever coached.

This week when I introduced Molly to the girls at the camp I explained that Molly was my all-time favorite player and told them why:

• She played full out and with incredible heart
• She was completely coachable
• She was a true team player on and off the court.

After I asked Molly to say a little about herself to the girls, I then shared why I asked Molly to be one of our counselors  by telling the girls about these 3 reasons listed above.  Then I asked Molly to explain to the girls why she was in a wheel chair.  Molly simply told the girls that when she was 15, she had a diving accident and she broke her neck, and she is now paralyzed from the chest down.  NO Drama – no big long story.   And with that, we started our camp.

Today, I watched Molly give instruction to girls with the same incredible heart, passion, and team player attitude she has always possessed.  I am so proud of Molly and the woman she is becoming.  She knows no other way to be or live – except to play full out.

So, let’s ask ourselves:

• Am I playing full out and with all my heart?
• Am I coachable and learning lessons as I go?
• Am I a team player in all areas of my life?

You know the answers and you know what to do!  Up your game – drop the drama – and be ready for what is coming your way.  That’s the game of life (and basketball too)!

Next, I have a serious “performance” itch going on. I really would love to sing or dance on stage. Yet, I mostly feel like I’m too old to start this (even though I know this is not true, I often feel this way). Then, I figure even if I had the talent and the venue in which to pull this off, where in the heck would I get the time? Don’t know what to do about that.

I was feeling frustrated that clear, easy solutions weren’t coming to me immediately. I felt like I “should” know what to do. I’ve figured out many things, why can’t I figure these out? And then I was getting really “serious” about my angst by telling myself that these are big areas in life. This is about a key passion of mine and a way to be physically healthy. I’ve got to find solutions!!

Then, I decided to do a very lovely thing. I declared both of these areas an “exploration.” Whew, what a shift in perspective that gave me! Now I can stop beating myself up for not having a perfectly laid out execution plan. I can play with ideas, be open, and know that my desired outcomes will arrive at the perfect time and in the perfect way.

What about for you? What would you like to declare an “exploration”?

I am not saying that it is bad to treasure things in your home or to hold onto things because you “might” use it someday or because it is nostalgic and reminds you of important events/times of life in the past. And I am saying that it is worth a more careful look at what “stuff” you have in your life that may not only be clogging up your closets, cabinets, and bookshelves but may also be clogging up your mind and spirit in some way. For example, I found all kinds of articles and books that I have never read. My mind tells me that I “should” read them so that I know more and can become more competent. In truth, it is very unlikely I will ever read any of these materials because in all honesty I am not inspired to do so. So I let them go.

And I went further. I purged cookbooks I haven’t opened in years but not parted with because in my fantasy parallel life, I have lots of free time to cook. I purged makeup and perfume I am never going to wear, clothes I don’t love, shoes that are beautiful but make my feet hurt, 10 year old towels, and a long list of things that I haven’t want to spend the money to replace but that I don’t enjoy or feel good about. Once I purged myself of so many material possessions, a great sense of peace and freedom came over me. And I can feel that I have let go of much more than material possessions. I have let go of mental “stuff” too. All those books and articles that I “should” read were ways of activating a sense that I am somehow not living up to my potential or doing enough as a professional coach. The cookbooks in some way contributed to a feeling that I should be a better cook, have more free time, and be more domestic. The clothes I don’t love and the beautiful shoes that hurt my feet left me feeling unglamorous and disorganized and once again with the feeling that I should be some other than I actually am. It was only after I let go off all this “stuff,” that I became conscious of their impact on my mind and how I felt about myself and my life. I can honestly say that I made many of the purchases thinking that the possession would somehow make me better, more attractive, more acceptable, or even compensate for something I lack. And I can say with in truth that nothing in my house has ever fulfilled that expectation. What I am looking for is not out there…it is in here…in me. And the freer I have become of material possessions, there freer I feel to just be me.

So I am committing on my journey to California to remain conscious of the material possessions I bring into my life and whether they feel true to who I am. And along the way, I commit to letting go of things sooner that are no longer aligned with who I am.
What “stuff” have you been holding onto in your life?
What are “stuff” are you willing to let go of?