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What comes first – changing the belief or changing the circumstance. . .the classic Chicken or the Egg?
by Elizabeth Ruske
January 21, 2010
Have you ever been stuck in a situation where you just can’t seem to see the way out? The harder you try to worse it gets? You try to talk about it, work around it, apply new strategies, and yet . . . you hear yourself saying things like “… I just can’t get a break – or when is this going to end? Or enough already!”
When you hear things like that coming out of your mouth it is your first clue that you are really stuck. No kidding. Not stuck how you think I mean it – but stuck in a belief; a belief that has some really deep roots and has a grip on you that is so strong it is in your DNA.
Lately, I have been feeling stuck. My business partners and I launched a new business about 18 months ago (you know – this one – Tiara!) and while we absolutely try to practice what we preach . . . I have been running on empty for a while. Toss in a few life-altering events during the same time frame and you have a fantastic recipe for exhaustion, overwhelm and stress.
It’s hard sometimes to see what is happening in the moment so it helps to build in some downtime and reflective space to get a grip – or as we like to say get some MOJO repair. But what if nothing seems to work and you feel stuck in the same conversation?
Today, as I was giving thanks that my nephew (who was in Haiti during the earthquake) was found safe and unharmed, I heard myself saying all of these things; I need a break, my family needs a break. And as I talked to one of my partners I was overcome with emotion. She wisely didn’t assume the emotion was connected to anything and simply asked: where is all of this emotion coming from? And I surprised myself in my reply. I said, “I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of always mustering my energy for everyone else and not feeling like I have enough left over to be consistent in my own life.”
And that’s when it hit me — my energy is like the flame on the burner on my stove. Think about it . . . you turn the knob to ON, and you wait for a few seconds for it to ignite. Then you have the choice of setting the control at High –Medium – Low. I have known for a while that my choice is usually HIGH and when I’m very tired I will set it to LOW, but I seldom set the knob on MEDIUM. I also have a deep belief that a HIGH flame is better. Why? Because it cooks faster and therefore gets you what you want faster. Living life on HIGH is just better. So, if that is my belief it is no surprise that I operate at a HIGH energy level most of the time.
WOW. So, if I want to change the outcome of this chronic “high” energy state . . . before I can just adjust the knob and the burners I have to also adjust the belief. Today I did just that . . . my new belief is; “while I love being the source of positive energy for myself and others, I also love being the source of gracious acceptance at any pace.” I like the gracious part of that sentence and it is much easier for me to be gracious when I am not in HIGH energy mode.
So, where are you getting stuck? And if you were to look deep into what beliefs are holding that behavior in place . . . what will you discover?
I love the idea of “adjusting our flame” and not feeling like we have to be on high all the time. That definitely is a scenario for burn out!
Great reminder to look at our core beliefs in the areas we’re stuck. I’ll let you know what I discover.
Well, since I posted the blog, I have been experimenting with adjusting my flame and going with a ‘Medium flame’ this week and it was been really great. I found that I am actually a lot more compassionate to myself and others and also more creative. I have reached out to people and have made great connections for others. I like the feeling of “space” and “calm” this pace is providing me. And, I still feel like I am moving things on my projects list forward. I like it!
Thanks Beth for your honest sharing,it helps to hear this from the powerful person that you are (you see, even her!).
When I’m stuck I am disappointed and tired of ‘having proof’ there is reason to be disappointed: that I’m not producing enough work and income, insufficient tangible results…. somehow I believe I need too ‘earn’ my existence.
In good moments, like now, with the year turning double digit and my age over 50, the earthquake that’s showing the fragility of organized life, I really ‘get’ that life is about experiencing, awareness, creation, sharing and enjoying love, warmth and joy.
It all starts in the mind, and I need other people to help me get there, by remembering me how much fun they are, life and play together is.
My way out of a stuck place: participate, connect
get aware, enjoy and share! Stop thinking, just do it!